


every time I see you falling

by tasteslikemiso



Series: hard to live [7]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-01-04 22:39:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1086489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasteslikemiso/pseuds/tasteslikemiso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabble series, vaguely college AU. Times like these, Shiro wishes he was an only child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. fly, vultures, fly

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the October 7, 2005 prompt for the livejournal community 31_days.

Shiro hears the intercom buzz as his brother lets a visitor into their apartment building. Ichigo calls out to him "Tatsuki is coming up! You gonna hang out with us?"

_Tatsuki again. I really have to get my own place._

"Can't. Really busy," he shouts back.

"Alright, but next time-" Ichigo is interrupted by a knock at their door. Shiro hears her voice drift into the room, gets up and shuts his door.

He puts on headphones and tries to muffle the sounds of their greeting. He imagines the way her face lights up when she sees him, the way her body feels pressed into a hug.

The thoughts get going and he can't hear anything, not the music, not the sound of her voice from the other room. There is a knock at his bedroom door, he gets up to answer.

"I really can't hang out." He says, stonily. He fixes his eyes on an indeterminate space above her left ear, avoiding the disappointment in her eyes.

"You're not going to be third-wheeled, honest. We're just going to play some Tekken and order take-out. We can invite over other people if you want. Keigo, maybe? Renji?"

He wants to say "what about Orihime?" but stops himself short. He knows that Orihime has been taking their new relationship status hard. Ichigo told him the other day that she kept finding reasons not to hang out with Tatsuki anymore.

"Kind of like you," his brother had said.

"The difference is, I really am busy," Shiro had insisted. "Plus, it's kind of weird, you two being a couple now. If I'm hanging around I know you can't do all that romantic shit you're probably dying to do."

"I'm busy," he repeats, his eyes flicking to her face for a moment. She looks crestfallen, he feels powerful and fucked up at the same time.  _She still cares about me_ , he thinks, and  _I never wanted to be the person who made her feel this way_.

"Can we talk for a second?" She steps into his room, he moves aside automatically as she goes to sit on his bed. He sits at his desk chair, leaving the door wide open.

"It's frustrating, you know? That all of a sudden all my friends are ignoring me. It feels like I can't do anything right. I know I messed up with 'hime, and I feel guilty all the time." She looks down at the floor. "What should I have done? Said no when I wanted to say yes? Should I have given that up for her?"

_Yes. Give it up, give him up. No, stay with him and be happy._

The shitty thing was, he didn't realize he felt this way until Ichigo had mentioned in passing last month "I think I'm going to ask Tatsu out." He had felt the bottom drop out of his stomach, turned to his brother and said "Really? You think that's a good idea?"

"Why not?"

"Well for one thing, it's Tatsuki. As in, beat us both up since we were 4, doesn't have a romantic bone in her body, that Tatsuki? And for another, her best friend is completely in love with you. It's going to be weird when she turns you down, man. You're risking the friendship because you're thinking with your dick."

But Ichigo had asked. And she had accepted. And that left Shiro and Tatsuki here, sitting in his bedroom and not looking at each other,

"I don't know. 'Hime will come around. She just needs time."

"What about you?" She says, quietly.

"What about me?"  _Does she know?_

"Come on. You're avoiding me. Or us. I can't tell."

"I'm not."

"Don't lie, damn it!" Her eyes flash with anger, she looks like she's about to throw a punch. He thinks about kissing her.

His mind goes to last week when he walked into the living room and saw her and Ichigo making out on the couch, cheesy wuxia movie playing in the background. They quickly separated when they noticed him, flushed and stammering apologies. Shiro had rolled his eyes and joked "get a room," feeling a sharp pain spreading through his core.

He imagines her hands in his own hair, as he grabs her hips and pushes her down onto the bed. Her walking out of  _his_  bedroom with mussed hair, wearing  _his_  shirt, not Ichigo's.

"It's just weird to see you guys like this. That's all. I'll get used to it." He hopes he sounds more careless than he feels.

"Yeah." She scratches the back of her head. "I guess I'm expecting everything to be the way it used to be. But it can't be, at least not right away. Fuck, I suck at this relationship shit."

"Tatsu? If you don't get out here I'm gonna order the food without you!" Ichigo calls from the other room.

"Okay, I'll leave you alone. Don't be busy forever, all right? I miss you." She stands up and moves towards the door. He follows.

"Yeah, don't worry so much. We'll hang out soon."  _I miss you_   _too_. He makes himself watch her walk into Ichigo's arms, reminding himself again that she will never be his.


	2. scholars and gentlemen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today's assignment is to get over it, and Shiro is not a particularly fast learner. Companion piece to "fly, vultures, fly." Title taken from the October 9, 2005 prompt for the livejournal community 31_days.

Tatsuki taps her pencil absentmindedly against the desk, brow furrowed in confusion. Exasperated, she slams her textbook closed and groans.

"It's no use. I'm hopeless at math."

Shiro, lying on his bed, flicks his eyes over to her. Her eyes were fire-bright with frustration, mouth twisted in a frown.

"It's not so hard, really."

"For you, maybe. After a few minutes of staring at a problem my head starts to hurt."

"Well there's your problem, Tatsuki. You're not supposed to stare at the problems; you're supposed to solve them."

Tatsuki scowls. "Very funny, smartass. You weren't laughing when you needed my help on your last essay."

"So are you saying you're asking for my help?"

"No!" she exclaims. "I can figure it out on my own." She gently reopens the calculus textbook and appraises her messy answer sheet, covered in chicken scratch, calculations, and cross-outs.

Shiro sits up from bed, watching her struggle with the problem set. She rubs the back of her neck anxiously. He notices the smooth rustling movement of her dark hair brushing her shoulderblades. He thinks about bending her over the desk and abruptly cuts off that train of thought before it gathers any more momentum.

"I'm bored," he says suddenly, standing up and stretching his limbs. "I think I'm going to go for a run."

"Don't you have any homework to do?" she asks, with more than a little jealousy.

"Finished it earlier," he says carelessly. "Don't worry, I'll be back before you're done. By then you'll be begging for my help."

She snorts. "Don't count on it."

He pulls a ratty T-shirt and a pair of shorts out of his dresser and goes to the bathroom to change.

"What about the reading for your lit class?" she calls out.

"I'll do it later" he yells back, pulling the shirt over his head. He comes back to the bedroom and gets his running shoes out of the closet. "Besides, that shit is boring."

"Yeah, but you should really try to get your grades up. Otherwise everyone's gonna think you're a dumb tough guy who doesn't care about school."

"So what if I am?"

Tatsuki rolls her eyes. "Yeah, you're right. Fuck college and getting a job when you could just beat up small-time street gangs for the rest of your life. That sounds productive."

"At least it's fun. Besides, this is one stupid class. I'm doing fine in everything else."

"It's one stupid class that you're going to have to pass to graduate," she reminds him.

"General education requirements are stupid anyway. No one's going to give a fuck what I think about Othello when I'm working at a software company."

"Yeah, yeah," she waves her hand dismissively. "Why don't you go ahead and write a strongly worded letter to the university once you get back from your jog, okay?"

"You just focus on your own work and I'll focus on mine." He leaves the room, popping his headphones in as he exits the apartment and takes off down the street.

* * *

Half an hour later, he climbs the steps up to his and Ichigo's apartment. He thinks about Tatsuki glaring at her textbook, then dropping her frown as he leans over her to explain the correct approach. He imagines her eyes focused on him, full of determined energy.

He opens the door.

"I'm back." No response. Ichigo's keys are on the counter, so his brother must have just gotten back from work. Great.

Shiro heads back to his bedroom. "Miss me, babe?" he asks, opening the door onto his brother kneeling next to the desk gently explaining a difficult problem. Tatsuki's eyes watch Ichigo closely. He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

Tatsuki looks up after a few seconds and smiles at him. "You're back! I didn't hear you come in."

Ichigo lifts his hand in greeting. "Hey."

Shiro is suddenly annoyed. "Yeah, hi. Look, I gotta shower so could you guys move the study party elsewhere?"

Ichigo stands up. "Sure thing," he says easily. "Tatsuki, we can go to my room if you want. I think we're really close to finishing anyway."

Tatsuki rises from the desk. "Don't forget to actually do your reading, Shiro." She goes to hug him, and he recoils sharply. Even as he imagines enclosing her in his arms, he sees Ichigo catch her small hand in his.

"Sorry, but I'm all gross and sweaty. I'll see you guys later."

"Yeah you better help us with dinner. He who doesn't help, doesn't eat," Tatsuki says.

"I don't know, Tatsuki," Ichigo says. "I'm pretty sure we're better off without him. Shiro's terrible in the kitchen."

"Maybe that's just how I get out of cooking," Shiro replies.

"Whatever you say," says Ichigo.

Tatsuki gathers up her books and papers. "Ok well, I guess we'll see you in a bit." She and Ichigo leave his room, and Shiro's feeling of irritation lessens slightly.

He goes to the bathroom, peels off his sweaty clothes and steps in the shower. It's never going to go back to the way it used to be. The sooner he can get used to it, the better. Ichigo and Tatsuki. Better off without him. He feels burning under his skin and turns the water on cold.


End file.
